The Path

Does he reach for the Bible, the bottle, or the gun?
He was once like them, like you.
Now, he's on the run.
But from who does he run?
And from what does he hide?
He was once like them, like you.
Now he's faded inside.
And where once was a smile, and iridescent eyes,
Remain cracked lips forming a liar's disguise.
And in silence he drifts. They never heard his cries.
He was once like them, like you.
Now he's paralyzed.
But there are addictions to feed, and there are masters to pay.
He'll buy a song for a dollar just to get through the day.
And he'll sleep when he can, but it never comes easily.
For there's no rest for the wicked, and even less for the poor.
And as the days passed by he wondered, was he a servant or a whore?
But still he kept going, never slowing, desperate for that golden dream.

Nominee

It's not like this is unfamiliar
The technicolor madness
Screaming out to nothing
To no one in particular
We wait with bated breath
A silent prayer for forgiveness
For the sins of all that was once held dear
Jesus called
But you weren't there
You were lost in the silence
In the violence of solitude
The only place in which we can find ourselves
The nowhere truth on repeat
Turned to the maximum
Yet still we cannot hear
Distracted as always by the game of spilling blood
A different shade of red
Into vessels cracked by time and experience
Or a lack thereof
That can never be filled
And yet still it flows
Desperate for a salvation that will never be our own
Until the picture fades
fin.

On Karma

I, like most, was taught to always do good. Yet, I grew up in an environment that certainly did not foster it, save for the things I witnessed my mother suffer through for the sake of her children. As I grew, I took pride in doing as much good, while at the same time, all too often suffering for my actions. I became admittedly cynical, almost hateful. And I have certainly been broken more than a few times by those who think only of themselves. Those who I have trusted. Now, there are very few that I trust. It's truly one of the hardest things to do, simply because I have learned that most individuals will turn on someone in an instant the moment they see some personal benefit. This has happened to me more times that I can even remember. But the damage has certainly lasted. Now, I find myself in a position of envy of those who are capable of selfishness. I often find myself wishing that I could be that person who thinks, only of themselves. I'm not saying that I am a saint. Trust me. I am a man who has, on more than one occasion attempted the greatest act of selfishness a person can commit. I have plenty of my own mistakes and regrets to live with. But on the whole, I have always prided myself on my ability and my willingness to try to do as much good and as little harm in the world as I can. Still I suffer for it, and it's rare for me to have a day where I don't almost regret this very nature. There is rarely a benefit for the good, and even that which exists is far outweighed by that reaped by the selfish. I don't believe in any sort of god, or afterlife. I don't believe in any form of great reward at the end of the road. I only believe in that which we gain and lose in the here and now. And while it is easy to say that life is what we make of it, I believe that is only true to a certain degree, because there can be little prediction as to the effects of the multitude of external factors. "Karma is a bitch" is certainly a clever catch phrase, but it is little more than an excuse or a weak attempt at overlooking the truly cruel nature of the human condition.

Letting Go

A temporary solution to a permanent problem, you say?
A temporary solution is just fine to me when no permanent solution is in sight.
I have no regrets for my actions.
In the morning, my hands will be clean.
And the blood that coats them now belongs to no one but me anyway.
It's a mere victimless crime, save for the self.
But it was the self who was the victim in the first place.
It is the self who is the victim now.
And it is the victim who seeks respite.
Who are you to deny him that?
Who are you to judge that which you do not understand.
You who have never carried this weight.
You who stand steadfast on the precipice of prescribed, self-righteous morality.
Cast your stone.
I'm already too numb to feel it.
This is my reward.

The Creative Process...

...is certainly a fickle mistress. At a moment, the mind, newly opened wide by a Seretonin fix so desperately desired. The moment passes, the high fades, and withdrawal begins it's course. The mind closes. The light fades. Hope begets indifference and the cold reality settles. The waiting process begins anew. Complacency, indifference, and all other comforting enemies of progress take precedence once more. The words exist, but never escape. Ever cyclical is the human condition. Sleep now, and forever hold your peace.

Technocratic

Technology, to me, has been both a blessing and a curse. While communications have advanced to the point of leveling society on a global scale, I believe, it has in the process dehumanized us to some degree or another.

In the age of social networking, text messaging, and even the now near archaic world of blogging, we have, in some effect drifted away from the notion of actual communication. It is strange to me to think vocal conversation is almost a secondary feature of the phone in this world. At the same time, language, as it is is almost in a state of devolution. As a personal example, I was questioned by another individual as to why I would write out entire words in a text message. I still remember the almost sadness I felt upon reading a news article detailing a school's plan to start issuing exams in common text message abbreviations because the students could not understand proper written language well enough.
With the loss of language also comes a seeming loss of attention span. Traditional online journals such as this have been replaced by Twitter and it's new stream of pseudo clones. The service operates on the same principle, but limits output to only a small amount of characters. After all, who has time to form a complete thought anymore?
Beyond the aforementioned advancements has come a newly found sense of entitlement among the general populace. Everyone has an opinion, and everyone wants to voice it. This is nothing new, but with the means to do so on such a larger level, everyone does so at a constant yet abbreviated rate. And, worst of all, it seems as though everyone believes that everyone else cares. The notion of a personal life is dangerously close to extinction as we live out our every detail for the world to see one pixel at a time. Perhaps people would care, if they weren't too busy pursuing their own self indulgence. No longer satisfied with the search for fifteen minutes of fame, instead, we are all in need of our fifteen seconds. This is what I have in the past referred to as Generation Me. To me, this is almost a step backward as a species. We are the most social of all animals, and the only species with the capabilities of cognition and speech, and yet we seem to be running from this.

Here we have the curse, but what of the blessing.

The blessing, I feel also comes in the leveling factor. Technology can be a wonderful thing if used in moderation. I truly believe that the internet, with a little bit of required digging, is the last bastion for the free trade of unfiltered information, which is certainly a good thing in our present, filtered Orwellian society. The fringe opinions and theories, those which threaten the current closed and corrupt power struggle, are given their forum where one could not otherwise be found. And, in any argument or debate, more perspectives can be offered in the pursuit truth.
In terms of social interaction, the very same technology that is inhibiting the real definition of socialization can be used to strengthen it. In my time, I have met several people who have enriched my life in a number of ways; people who, without the online forums, Facebook pages and the like, would not have otherwise been accessible to me.
Personal interests have also been positively effected, as through these new methods of community generation, I have become acquainted with, and grown closer to a number of like-minded individuals. Furthermore, there have been some cases where, due to distance or simply circumstance, I would not be able to communicate with individuals who have, in their own ways, had a positive impact on my daily existence.

Is this ever evolving, yet often less personal approach to human interaction a good thing or a bad thing. As stated, I believe that it is a little of both. Ultimately, I believe the answer lies on whether technology is used as an aide, or a supplement, or if it becomes the only way of life.

The Indifference of Good Men

“The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing”
-Edmund Burke

This particular phrase, in it's many incarnations, has stuck with me for many years, and it's one that I've given an exceeding amount of consideration to lately. Simple on the surface, but it's implications are much more far reaching. What exactly are the consequences of indifference? And can one be condemned for being indifferent?

I'm not suggesting that everyone should be required to be a good Samaritan, or that the man who ran when he heard the gunshots should be tried for murder, but in terms of personal relations, I think that yes, there is a degree of responsibility that can be placed on an indifferent party.

In my opinion, the mettle of a person and a relationship is never better tested than in a time of strife. Struggle is inevitable, and when it arrives, our first reaction is to turn to others. Often, this is not presented outwardly, but we are social creatures, and such a reaction is as inevitable as the conflict itself.

This being said, it has been my experience that people will react in one of two ways. They will be as supportive as possible, giving all of themselves that they can in an effort to provide the necessary support out of a sense of human decency. Or, they will react with passive indifference to the situation. The latter, unfortunately, seems more often than not to be the case. This isn't necessarily an intentional thing, but to me, it is a learned behavior among the majority of our current culture. We live in a "me first" society, in which an issue is ignored completely unless it is personally involving, be it on a personal level, or even in terms of societal issues.

What's more tragic is that these same people who would turn a blind eye are usually the first to come searching for support. It is at this point that the good among us seem to suffer the most.

While it's certainly been said countless times before, any relationship requires reciprocation, that is, a mutual trust, understanding, and ultimately, a mutual support at all times. It's unlikely that this notion would ever be denied by anyone, and yet it certainly conflicts with the ideals of Generation Me.

Which leads to yet a greater conflict: the conflict of the good. A good man gives, and asks for nothing in return, but being human, is not unreasonable in his expectations of receiving the mutual support from those he's selflessly served. Ultimately, when it's his turn to face the struggle, those he's helped have returned to their strength, their issues absolved, and due to our new nature, simply turn a blind eye unless the issue at hand directly involves them. And the good man suffers alone.

Does this make the other party evil for their indifference? For allowing evil to triumph in the life of an otherwise good person simply because of their inaction, or their unwillingness to be inconvenienced?

Perhaps not evil, in this instance, but I think it's safe to say a little less in touch with the spirit of humanity. Furthermore, I think it's all circumstantial. We all make mistakes, and can be short sighted. In such simple circumstances, I believe this sort of indifference can be forgiven, and can often lead to a stronger bond being formed, should a lesson be learned. Rarely is this the case, however, and this leads to the greatest question: how should the good man react to this?

Initially, I suppose the appropriate response would be to shake it off, move along, deal on his own, or to find support where he is appreciated.

Unfortunately, we can never truly know someone's intentions. And often, this cycle will not be a mere isolated incident, but instead be oft repeated. And after so much abuse, even the strongest of armor will break, and the good man will suffer as a result of his nature. His blessing of humanity is also his curse, and he's left at an impasse. Does the good man continue to be a good man, knowing that he will inevitably suffer for his positive contribution to society; that he will suffer for being different by being human? Or at this point should he give up, should he take his own well being into account, and no longer burden himself with the troubles of others, rather than suffer any longer for his nature? Should he relegate himself to a guilty conscience, and sacrifice his humanity in order to better live among humans?

If evil were truly to triumph in any way by the indifference of good men, i truly believe that it is in this way. That indifference by the selfish ultimately breeds indifference among the good, and that, with the loss of each good man, the world as a whole suffers.