On Karma

I, like most, was taught to always do good. Yet, I grew up in an environment that certainly did not foster it, save for the things I witnessed my mother suffer through for the sake of her children. As I grew, I took pride in doing as much good, while at the same time, all too often suffering for my actions. I became admittedly cynical, almost hateful. And I have certainly been broken more than a few times by those who think only of themselves. Those who I have trusted. Now, there are very few that I trust. It's truly one of the hardest things to do, simply because I have learned that most individuals will turn on someone in an instant the moment they see some personal benefit. This has happened to me more times that I can even remember. But the damage has certainly lasted. Now, I find myself in a position of envy of those who are capable of selfishness. I often find myself wishing that I could be that person who thinks, only of themselves. I'm not saying that I am a saint. Trust me. I am a man who has, on more than one occasion attempted the greatest act of selfishness a person can commit. I have plenty of my own mistakes and regrets to live with. But on the whole, I have always prided myself on my ability and my willingness to try to do as much good and as little harm in the world as I can. Still I suffer for it, and it's rare for me to have a day where I don't almost regret this very nature. There is rarely a benefit for the good, and even that which exists is far outweighed by that reaped by the selfish. I don't believe in any sort of god, or afterlife. I don't believe in any form of great reward at the end of the road. I only believe in that which we gain and lose in the here and now. And while it is easy to say that life is what we make of it, I believe that is only true to a certain degree, because there can be little prediction as to the effects of the multitude of external factors. "Karma is a bitch" is certainly a clever catch phrase, but it is little more than an excuse or a weak attempt at overlooking the truly cruel nature of the human condition.